banannie

I feel almost obligated to post something about 9/11 today. I think I’ve said all I could possibly say before, particularly in this post I wrote 4 years ago.

Nick is taking it hard. Two years ago he was eight. It wasn’t the loss of life that struck him as much as the loss of those buildings. But he was really affected by that. He built from paper, tape and markers twin towers of his own that he put by his bed.

I was re-reading it today and as I got to the very end something hit me, powerfully. I close that post with prayerful lyrics from Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising”.

If I were to write that today, I wouldn’t include those lyrics. I guess some would call what I’ve gone through in the past 6 years a crisis of faith, and maybe it was, but I feel like I’ve come out the other side now, feeling more free than I ever have. I don’t have the worries, the guilt, the self-consciousness I once had. Now it’s Carpe Diem, face my fears head on and shove them aside. Religion isn’t really a part of my life now, although faith in… something… is. And I’m surprised by that, but content with it. I’m not looking outside of myself for strength. I’ve realized that strength is inside of me and has been all along, I was just too full of worries and fears to use it. Some might say those prayers I posted were answered, and that’s why I feel stronger now. Could be. I certainly don’t want to start a religious debate or discussion. All I know is- I’m definitely not feeling the need for those prayers now.

On Twitter this morning the memories are flowing. We can’t help but talk about where we were, what we saw, who we lost or or who we’re thankful we didn’t lose. It’s something that has continued to pull strangers together once a year and I hope that will continue. Remembering honors those who died.

I didn’t want to talk or write about 9/11 today. But I guess I can’t help myself. And I guess I hope the day doesn’t come when I can.