banannie

Ben Yoskovitz at Instigator Blog has initiated a project called The Ultimate Guide to Productivity and Twitter-pal Connie Reece has tagged me to play along.

Back at the beginning of 2006 I decided to make some changes. There was so much I wanted to get done, including some projects I’ve dreamed of completing for over 20 years! I’ve read David Allen’s Getting Things Done, and subscribe to a number of productivity blogs including Lifehacker, Lifehacks, Zen Habits, 43 Folders, and the always full of great solutions Ask MetaFilter. It hasn’t happened all at once, but I’m definitely moving forward, and even have a little trail of “done” items to show for it behind me.

But the tip that’s made the most difference in my life isn’t one I picked up during my recent productivity blitz. It’s something I learned when I was a young mom.

It’s ok to say “no”.

The only times I feel completely overwhelmed are when I’ve agreed to do something out of pressure or guilt.

We all have things in our lives we may not want to do, but we know we have to. Job obligations, family obligations. But apart from those obligations we have the freedom to say no. Often there’s very good reason to say no. Not enough time, not enough expertise, not enough interest! All valid reasons to say no. Yet most of us have a hard time with that particular N-word.

Once I freed myself to say no, I found that I didn’t say it very often. I volunteer regularly. I take on projects and do favors. In other words, my default answer is “yes.”

Sometimes, though, I have to decide if saying yes is in my best interest, or even in the best interest of the person asking for my help. Do they really want help from someone whose heart isn’t there? Someone who can’t put in the time and effort needed? Some people I’ve had to say no to can make it hard, particularly when they’re friends! I do try to make up for it in other ways when that happens, because it’s not about saying no to the person, it’s simply saying no to the specific request.

I keep it simple. I don’t make up excuses, although I may offer a legitimate one if I think it will soften the blow. I know I’m one of those who hestiates to ask favors, because I hate to hear “no” myself! But a long drawn out excuse only makes things harder on both sides.

The end result is that even when I have busy weeks (like this one!) I don’t feel like I’m drowning because everything I’m doing was my choice in the first place.

My turn to tag- BlueGrass Mama, Fat Man Trying, Aliza Sherman, and Lisa, you’re it!