New road to dreams deferred

I’ve been thinking lately about what I used to love, and how despite appearances little has changed.

For example, lately I’ve been getting lost for hours in coding css. I’ve been designing using css for a couple years but mostly I’m taking other people’s code and changing the variables. This time I’m determined to really understand how it all works, and I make little steps each day. Now if I see how I want something to look in my head, I’m usually able to come up with the correct markup to make it happen. Very cool.

It’s reminding me of when I was in high school, and my dad brought home our first computer, an Apple IIc. (Yes, I’m old. You will be too someday.) I played some of the games but my favorite thing to do was “programming.” All I did was follow the directions given to make a cool pattern happen on screen, but there was something about typing in the code and getting a visually pleasing result that amazed me.

Of course, I’m not a coder and I don’t think like a coder. I don’t have the logical brain it takes, and I need that visual feedback constantly. That’s why I like using css, but wrapping my brain around php and javascript takes me longer.

Point is, what I’m enjoying now is very similar to what I enjoyed back then.

I had other passions, like writing, and video production, when I was younger that are starting to fight their way back to the surface. I see opportunities emerging in new media that remind me of roads not taken when I graduated college. Maybe this is a second chance to follow those passions that I’d set aside. I don’t have regrets, because I love the life I have, and I know the choices I’ve made were the right ones, but one steady step at a time I see a path forward emerging that’s incredibly similar to the one I didn’t take. The difference is now other desires aren’t calling me away from it.